Gimme Shelter (Two Versions)
REVISED VERSION:Gimme Shelter(To a German kid I saw on tv)Whats in a name? Your everything.A syllable or two, a notionTo it, a face, a human being,Amidst the drive and the commotion.It's not the cans,...
View ArticleRe: Gimme Shelter (Two Versions)
Crispin,Nice to see the tetrameter in use! I must confess that when I dream up a line in a poem, it is a tetrameter in many cases. I have always thought it strange that in music a melody or phrase...
View ArticleRe: Gimme Shelter (Two Versions)
It's weak of me, I know, but I take it that this sonnet either answers, or more probably amplifies, remarks of this German kid, and I'd like to know which -- maybe with a key quotation (even a...
View ArticleRe: Gimme Shelter (Two Versions)
Hi Remco,Thanx for taking time to read and comment. I've attempted to address your most welcome remarks in a revision.By the way: Congratulations regarding your Dutch version of this board on Sonnet...
View ArticleRe: Gimme Shelter (Two Versions)
Hi Donives,Thanx for dropping by. This is one of my experiments with tetrameter. I think it stands for quite a different genre of sonnetry, in my experience. So this is just a sketch, still poignant I...
View ArticleRe: Gimme Shelter (Two Versions)
Crispin,L8 is a vast improvement, I think. More simple and direct. In line with the use of language you'd expect from a kid like the one you saw on tv.Quatrain 3 now begins with "The basic thing"....
View ArticleRe: Gimme Shelter (Two Versions)
Hi Remco,Thank you very much for having another look at this sketch.Great you like line 8 now!I'll be happy to take your advice on "basic things". You're absolutely right: "thing" is awkward....
View ArticleRe: Gimme Shelter (Two Versions)
Well, once again I've misread you. I loved the gilded face; I thought it meant the face of his girlfriend on which he had applied (and recognized that he had applied) the gold-leaf of his ideal. I'll...
View ArticleRe: Gimme Shelter (Two Versions)
Hi Donives,Thanx for your interesting comment. I think there's quite a lot to what you say (leaving my sketch beside). The relationship with the girl in question was something very special. Very...
View Article